Don't dream it's over..

It is over though.
I'm back in the U.K.
I have been back for a whole week now.
I am slowly shaking the strangeness of being back, off. It felt so weird being home, like a hyper-real dream. I woke in my bedroom and looked around what had once been familiar to me, and it felt like staying in a hotel somehow, normal and yet not at the same time. I wish I could explain it better than that.

I went to Okinawa, and despite some drama that I thankfully wasn't directly involved in, I loved it. I then went to Tokyo for the weekend and loved that too.
Then I came back to Tsuyama and realised it was time to stop dragging out the inevitable, that I was going to have to leave Japan at some point; so I booked my plane ticket home and left without much fanfare, but plenty of tears.

Now I have to work on being happy where I am, but if that fails, I need to work on finding somewhere else that I can be happy being.

I need to find a job. So it's time to start fixing my CV, applying for jobs, setting up interviews- the whole nine yards. Except to do all that it kind of helps if you have a vague idea of what kind of job you are looking for. I don't.

I'm faced with being poor again.

I'm back at home with my mum who I love to bits, but it's all a little suffocating when I've been used to my own space for a whole year.

I'm scared that now I'm back, I'll be stuck here for good, and that this is as good as it'll get.

I'm glad to see the friends and family that I have seen so far, but no offence- the novelty of that will wear off pretty quickly and it'll just be business as usual.

I'm already beginning to find it hard to remember why I thought coming back to the U.K. would be a good idea.

Please, please, please don't let me regret leaving Japan more than I do already...



Naomi, me and Sean on my last night in Tsuyama.

I admit this entry isn't filled with the joys of life, but I can't help the way I feel right now...



This is the kanji (Japanese character) of the day that just happened to be on my Google homepage today. Some of it's meanings are kind of fitting somehow.