Text messages from the edge...

It’s a long day in a Japanese staffroom from 8:15 to 5pm, and it’s even longer when you only have two lessons the entire day as is sometimes the case. This is where texting others in the same situation comes in handy- alleviating the boredom for all of 2 minutes. Here are some ALT (Assistant Language Teachers)text messages:

G: Do you ever ask what you think is a simple question and it leads to a big discussion between all the JTs? (Japanese teachers)
~
Me: How the fuck can you have an English listening test when no one is listening?!

W: …how the listening test actually works is that the recording lulls them into a trance like state to where their subconscious is open to suggestion. This is when the subliminal message so carefully inserted in the recording can take effect. The message then instructs them to “forget as much English as you can”. This is why they seem to get more retarded after a listening test.
~
Me: Back at the school near me and the urge to set fire to things grows stronger by the minute- and not just for the heat either…

W: But isn’t your heart warm from the smiles of all the children?

W: Now I wanna set things on fire (ie: children)- it’s not wrong cause I’m assured that they’re being controlled by evil spirits. So if I set them alight I’m doing God’s work.
~
Me: So an ex- JT will return to this school in Jan- he was away due to a mental breakdown over his lack of ability in his subject. What was his subject? English of course. Unless they had eikiwa (English conversation class) at the funny farm he is going to HATE me…

W: Lol- that’s hilarious! Good luck with that. You got a whole nutty professor thing going on.
~
W: They made me fucking run today! ME RUNNING…FUCK! At elementary no less. Teaching makes me tired enough. GOD this is going to be a horrible day.

Me: Is it bad that picturing you running is the highlight of my day? Or does it say more about the kind of day I’m having?

W: They made me play tag…yet even more running! I think I’m not going to recontract now.

Me: I’m imagining you not even able to fake like it’s fun! Ganbatte!

W: I’m gagging and coughing. I nearly vomited. No it wasn’t fun at all.

W: Whatever- you didn’t have to run.
~
S: Is there someone in your office who always sips tea really loudly? It’s driving me mad.

Me: Unfortunately yes. Almost as annoying as the guy with a perpetual cough who doesn’t cover his mouth.

S: Yeah they either don’t cover their mouths or they wear those medical masks. No middle ground
~

W: If you start digging now you can make a freedom tunnel. #...day’s never finished…Master gots me workin’…#
~
Me: The ichinensei (first years) at this school make me want to get my tubes tied…
~
Me: Only 2 lessons today. Kill me..
~
W: How’s your murderous rages? Still feel like killing your staff?

~
W: I checked it out- foreigner does translate into barbarian in Japanese. I think I’m offended.

W: Also Sanyu in Japanese means alcoholic
~

W: Do you know anyone that actually dislikes oranges? I think everyone should like them if they don’t they’re probably Muslim extremists…
~
It's picture time...

Yet another mini art project for the English notice board- also known as killing time so I don't bash my head repeatedly on the table out of boredom. I think my JT's handwriting is neater than mine so blame her for the minor error in the text.



And another- I wish I could claim that I drew the pictures but I'm really not that good. The pics are courtesy of Wil's girlfriend Jen- I merely provided colour- and a very soothing session of time wasting that was too


My favourite JT who is an absolute doll and makes my current school somewhat more bearable, and her extremely cute four year old. We got on like a house on fire as I'm pretty much still under 5 years old in my head anyway... He speaks better English than a lot of my first years scarily...


I'm always trying to improve my Japanese but I'm not sure how successful I'm going to be as Japanese is a language to be reckoned with- no lie. Annoyingly I understand more and more but am still unable to respond properly. Grr.


Days til I'm home: 8

To close- meet Arashi- this song was everywhere when I first came to Japan.

It could be worse...

...you could be a Japanese school kid.

Do not get me wrong- I am well aware that the U.K. does not have a perfect education system. Many children are failed by it and for a 'developed' country we have an disgustingly high level of illiteracy, and a high number of young people who drop out or are excluded before their minimum schooling needs are even met.

Yet, having lived in Japan now for almost 8 months, I feel a little qualified to comment on what I've seen of the Japanese education system. Admittedly I only get to see what happens in English lessons, but these are things that are bugging me/the reasons I'm glad I was never a Japanese school kid.

~ NO CENTRAL HEATING. Or air conditioning in the stupidly hot summers.

~ After school activities that once you've joined you cannot quit or swap to another club- hate it? Too bad- you're in that club for 3 years at least, come rain or shine.

~ Ijime (bullying)- sadly a fact of school life globally, but the number of victims committing suicide in Japan is such that playing 'hangman' with students is seen as inappropriate.

~ Fear of speaking out/ acute shyness. I have stood waiting for the answer to a simple question, twitching unbearably at how long a student is taking to answer and shyness plays a huge role in this. Even if classmates are whispering the answer, a lot of children lack such confidence that they are unable to utter a simple sentence. I have a third year boy (14/15 years old) who has curled up in a ball rather than speak to me. I have so many students who cover their mouths whilst talking, or get uncontrollable giggles, or look like they want to die rather than open their mouths.
It's painful for them, and it's painful to watch.

~ Disruptive kids who aren't disciplined. So much goes on in a Japanese classroom that wouldn't be tolerated for a second in England. Play up in a classroom in England and you're sure to be sent out of the classroom- do it enough and you can be excluded. Not a great solution for the problem child- but why should the rest of the class have to suffer?

~ Japanese teachers who don't speak English. Not a problem if you're learning Japanese- but not helpful if you are learning English.

~ Remember being put into ability level classes for certain subjects? Here in Japan- you decide what level you are. So we have low ability kids choosing higher level classes because that's where their friends are, or because they prefer the higher level status.

~ I am also driven crazy by the fact that worksheets are handed out at the same time as the answer sheets. I wander round the classroom and see answers being copied down mindlessly- yet ask the student what they've copied down and a look of confusion and panic crosses their faces as they've no idea. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!

~ Exam stress- it's all about getting into a good elementary school to get into a good junior high school to get into a good high school to get into a good university to get into a good job- they really are that linked over here- which means exams, exams, exams, and lots of learning by rote.

~ Cram schools- the pressure to succeed is such that many students who can afford to attend jukus (cram schools)- this is after a regular day of schooling, and several hours of their chosen after school activity. It means that high numbers of students often fall asleep in school the next day- and they are not woken up by anyone but are allowed to sleep!

~ I also see support here for single sex schooling- it could just be a Japanese thing but the boys get all the attention, they have far more confidence and a lot of the girls look like zombies- admittedly I'd look a bit out of it if I was sat in such a dull English lesson too (and I probably do sometimes), but I want to shake some of them. Too scared to raise their voice above a whisper when called upon, or to even offer an answer. I watched as a 1st year boy swiped a 1st year girl's cake that had just been given to her by a friend. She didn't say a word. I swiped it back off him and asked her whether she wanted it and she admitted that she did. I didn't have enough Japanese to ask her why she hadn't said so to the boy.

If I had a kid in Japan I'd seriously consider home schooling.

I wrote this entry on a cranky day- but sadly even on a good day all of the above stands.

And on with the pics...



I breathed on my lens to take this :)



And my favourite time of year has begun... *raised eyebrow*- can't it be the 26th of December already?!



Yasumi displays the new yummy winter dessert menu at Joyfull. (Not a typo- they use 2 'l's.)



A letter from my 2nd years at my favourite school (they were made to write it, but still- look, it's my beloved Elmo!)

Days till I'm back in the U.K. for Xmas: 18...

And the new vid from Rip Slyme who have a new album out that I'm seriously considering buying...

Thankful

Today is Thanksgiving in the U.S, so it's inspired an entry. Not much of an entry to be honest, but an entry nevertheless.

In Japan, I'm currently thankful for...
...crazy, mad, original students who make me laugh. Like the 3rd year girl who asked me to marry her and told me she was pregnant. She then told me she was going to lay an egg... I squatted in front of her to demonstrate laying an egg and we all fell about laughing. Today a third year boy told me his pants were dirty, with a straight face. As I tried to explain that in England 'pants' means underwear and motioned to mine he said "no pants?" Randomly in another class today we were discussing S&M (yes, exactly what you think!). The students asked which one I was- I responded with my most innocent looking face, to which a girl said I was probably an S!



....Royal Milk Tea- Hot, sweet tea with just the right amount of milk in a can- what more could you ask for?



...Uniqlo. Didn't go near the shop in the U.K., now a considerable chunk of my wardrobe comes from there. It's one of the few shops in Japan I've found so far that stocks clothing a non-Japanese woman who is fond of her food can wear- at least on my top half- and it's cheap too. All hail Uniqlo!

...good people. I'm missing everyone I love back home and it's hard to make really good friends in new places, but every so often you make one- or two and they are a gift in themselves.



...beautiful scenery. It's cold outside, but I can still be found clutching my camera, trying to capture how beautiful Japan is on film.

....let's not forget plastic food! Many a decision on where to eat has been based on the plastic food displays outside of restaurants.



...the almighty internet- especially Youtube, TV Links-like websites and
lastfm

I'm also currently addicted to stick on heating pads, my baby heater, my fleece lap blanket and cinnamon tea. Notice the warmth giving properties all these items share?
It's cold, and set to get a hell of a lot colder, and as technologically advanced as Japan is, it hasn't seen fit to install central heating in its schools....

Today also starts my month countdown till I return to the U.K. for Xmas, and I can't wait. I plan to blog at least once a week during this countdown, but I wouldn't hold your breath over that... ;)

To close- my fave Foo Fighters song from the current album- no video to go with it, but enjoy.

The Great Outdoors

If you know me, you'll know it's a rare event for me to call anything outdoors 'great'.
I'm an indoors girl through and through. The so called great outdoors generally just doesn't work for me. It's either too hot, too cold, too sandy, too muddy, too wet, too dirty, too filled with bugs for my liking- and don't get me started on my issues with sitting on grass!

That said- I do appreciate a good view (whilst trying to ignore the fact that my trainers are getting covered in mud)- and last weekend I got to experience the Japanese Autumnal pastime of leaf viewing. Yes- they take time out to admire the change in season and the gorgeous colours the leaves change to before Winter kicks in and they all die. (Not looking forward to Winter at all...)

My neighbours took me away overnight to a place called Tottori. We stayed in a lush hotel and the next morning we went to the Tottori sand dunes. We're talking points where you are surrounded by sand as far as the eye can see. I had been before at the height of summer and yelped in pure pain as stupidly hot sand filled my shoes and burnt my feet; so this time it was nice to trek the huge hills of sand and pretend I was a wandering nomad in the desert...



We also went to Mount Daisen which is the highest peak in the Chugoku region (the south western end of Japan's main island) and apparently has been chosen as one of the best one hundred mountains in Japan,(that's a lot of mountains!)and to Tottori Hanakairo Flower Park.



Anyway- less entry, on with more scenery...







And finally, meet Halcali :)

It's been a while...

Ok, so I've been a little slack with this blog of late, but I have been keeping busy. I've been feeling a little under the weather so I wasn't in any major rush to update this, but I'm back now, so on with the entry.

This entry is written in the style of a passage in the novel The Rules of Attraction by Brett Easton Ellis.

So, October. Went back to Hiroshima for a weekend but not the main part. Saw the famous Kintai-kyo hashi(錦帯橋), or "Brocade Sash Bridge" in Iwakuni. Curvy bridge originally built without a single nail. Saw white snakes only found in Iwakuni- yawn, but Gemma's a reptile freak. Went to Iwakuni castle- pretty, but seen one castle in Japan, you've seen them all. Went to a rugby match in an Irish pub. Drooled over fish and chips. Loads of foreigners were there. Felt a little out of place. England beat whoever they were playing. 'Slept' in my first internet cafe. Cheap if you're homeless for the night.



Went to Miyajima. Climbed Mt Misen (not my idea). Got to the top surprisingly. Climbed back down Mt Misen (also not my idea). Was in pain for days afterwards. Never again. Saw the Itsukushima Shrine with its seemingly floating O-toril Gate. (Wikipedia it). Rushed back to Tsuyama to be in one of my school's culture festival. Was made to say classics like: "Do you know where the Beatles are from?" Kid answers: "They're from England- like you." Me: "Yes, the Beatles and I are from England." Cheesy as hell, but I survive.



Randomly go apple picking with my neighbour and her daughter. Communication is difficult, but we get by. Twilight wandering through an orchard. Imagine myself as Eve wandering through Eden. Japan has HUGE apples.

I switch schools. Am glad to be back at my fave school but am slightly put off by new English teacher who barely speaks ENGLISH. Am invited to my school's music festival. Awkward moment when all the third years are on stage crying as a speech is read out. It'll be their last concert until they join their new high school's orchestra. Struggle not to boo-hoo along with them. I'm such a softy...



Group of us road trip to Saijo just outside Hiroshima for Sake Matsuri (festival). All the sake you can drink. I drink warily as sake packs a punch. Only one person pukes. Run into one of Jay's best mates randomly. Sing 'It's a small world after all' in my head.



The monthly gaijin (foreigner) Halloween barbecue. I go as a witch. The pyro in me thrills at the bonfire. I go to the new mall. Huge, shiny, filled with stuff I don't need but want. Find and buy a big bottle of Malibu. Work on not downing it all in one. Sometimes Japan makes me want to drink...

Go to company meeting in Okayama. Drool over the impossibly hot Japanese cop who comes to talk to us about safety in Japan. Think about being arrested by hottie cop. Hang out with people after the meeting then get ready for Halloween party. Bunch of us troop down the street in fancy dress. Get even more stares from Japanese people than usual. They aren't too big on dressing up for Halloween oddly. Get to the party- all you can drink for just under £12. I get wasted- but not stupidly so. I dance like a mad thing. It feels sooooo good to be out for once on a Friday night. Wish Tsuyama had a nightclub or two. Meet lots of randoms. Sleep in another internet cafe...


Me and my friend G.

Tomorrow I'll be watching some of my kids in an English speech contest. I know their speeches pretty much off by heart since I've been rehearsing with them for a while. And that's what I've been up to lately.

To finish this entry, here's a Japanese song I've been playing repeatedly- I won't comment on the scantily clad girls in the video- if I had their bodies I'd be a little slutty myself too if I'm honest... ;)

Wakarimasen

Wakarimasen.
This is quite possibly the most useful Japanese word I have learnt whilst over here.
It means 'I don't understand', so obviously I get to use it a lot.
In this entry, I'm using it to talk about the interesting use of English in Japan...

Ok, I'm a Virgo- we're known for being somewhat anal when it comes to details and in that respect I am a true Virgo. One of my dream jobs has always been to be an editor- not so much for the creative input- but more to correct any mistakes that may have been made. I can't help it- grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, and the worst offender of them all- text speak all make me twitch. Not to make you paranoid, but I mentally correct every email that I get. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not a snob, I'm just programmed this way...

So I'm finding that living in Japan I have to fight the urge to run around with a big red marker correcting everything.
Half the time I can get the gist of what was trying to be said, but the rest of the time I'm like: Huh?! Wakarimasen.

This was taken from the design on a student's notebook:
"I wish to sing a duet with transparent time.
You'll have mind to forgive everything.
If you become nervous or angry, hold communion with nature."

From my Japanese teacher's chopstick container I found:
"Enjoy a quiet lunch time while feeling a season
Nature put a person at his ease.."

Check the following...



This is from my friend's ashtray pot.


This is taken from a sticker booth


As is this


This is from hairclip packaging

And this is my latest mini project- yes, it's several weeks early but I had some time on my hands!


Check this link for some more examples of English that makes me twitch:
What?!

Sports Day

Across Japan in high schools and junior high schools, September is the month of the sports festival. It's a big deal, students have been preparing for it since July, through out their non-existent summer vacation, possibly even longer.

These are the notes I took at one of the rehearsals.

Today was another gorgeous September day, well by gorgeous, I mean stupidly hot, but I know I'll get all S.A.D. when the sun disappears in the winter, so I'm going to put up and shut up about the heat.

My school have been rehearsing a traditional Japanese dance and some other dances for days and days, along with different sporting events, all practised in the blistering sun for hours on end, like a hard core boot camp. I feel sorry for them, but they seem to be running about quite happily.



What amuses me though are the lengths the female teachers go to to maintain their pale skin- we're talking total sun block, big hats, JACKETS.... If you are female in Japan, a tan is a no-no- unless you you are a ganguro girl- but more on them in another post.

The glare given off by the regulation white t-shirts worn by all the students made it look like an advert for washing powder, and rousing circus-like tracks and instrumental jazz pieces were the soundtrack to all the events. It was being held in the school playing field, which is less field, more large sand trap, so all the dust being kicked up ought to keep a lot of mothers and their washing machines busy...

I fell about laughing at events such as the tug of war using a bamboo cane, the mass skipping event where large groups of students would attempt to skip together using the same rope, and my favourite event, the 10 legged race- where 5 students would run together in a line with their ankles tied together. Surprisingly that event didn't result in a trip to the hospital, although we did have some kids pass out from the heat...






Another event involved a relay race, a sack jump, a dash to some seats where you had to burst balloons with your bum before running up to a net which you scrambled under, then ran to a basket that had balls that had to be carried on a spoon for a certain distance until the next team member was tagged in to begin the relay. And there was the big box race- in which you had to balance several large boxes on each other and run without losing a box...

Essentially, all the games focused on team work, which isn't surprising considering the Japanese cultural emphasis on society. There are also no losers- just teams who are not doing as well as other teams. These teams are cheered on over the loudspeaker with a cry of "Ganbatte!"- "Do your best!"




The third year girls dance to Avril Lavigne's 'Girlfriend'



The third year boys dance to The Black Eyed Peas' "Pump It"

All in all it was very entertaining day, but that's probably because I didn't have to take part in any of the events myself!