Way back in October I was sitting in my temping agency reception area waiting to be seen; waiting to be signed up for yet another shitty temp job.
Then I saw this random advert in the Guardian's jobs pages about teaching English as a foreign language in Japan of all places.
Fast forward past an embarrassing interview that was videotaped and saw me singing the rainbow song whilst waving handmade flash cards-
(if that tape ever emerges later on in life I think I'll curl up in a corner somewhere and die), and I'm on the verge of flying off to Japan to live and teach there for a year.
On the 18th of March I will be flying out to begin my life as an assistant language teacher- and even though I have known that this date was always going to come- it has still managed to sneak up on me like a stealthy trained assassin.
Anyone who knows me is all too aware of my ability to not think about things, even really important things until I really have to. Couple with that my tendency towards leaving things to the very last minute, and my interesting idea of what organization is- then you know how prepared for this life changing trip I really am.
As I type this- the list of things I still have to do is hanging over me:
- Book flight
- Go to the Japanese embassy to process my working visa
- Tell credit card people that I'm leaving the country
- Buy stuff to take
- Pack
- Arrange my leaving do
- LEARN JAPANESE
I am shit scared- I cannot lie.
I have never been anywhere that I was completely unable to communicate with the people around me. Japan- its culture and customs are so far away from all that I have known that I am afraid that I will sink. I am afraid that I won't be able to drown out that nagging voice I have inside me that tells me that I am not good/smart enough, that people don't/won't like me, that the shyness that has always plagued me despite my efforts to act otherwise will kick in in a large, in-ignorable way, that I have made a huuuuuge mistake, and that I won't be able to cope in such an alien environment. I worried/worry about how I will be treated in Japan, both as a foreigner, and a black foreigner.
But all these reasons eventually became the reason why I had to go. I tend to challenge myself- to push myself out of my comfort zone- "See if you can cope, San", "Audition for that show, San", "Yes, I know you can't swim and are somewhat deep water phobic, San, but go scuba diving"- because who am I to decide what I am or am not capable of? I just might surprise myself...
And so the countdown begins...
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